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This is been the most depressing day

Really. I can't remember the last time I was this depressed. School, hurry up and be over please?

I'm pretty sure I failed my geography final. Bombed it, in fact. Which, seeing as how it was the first thing I did today, it was a lovely way to start off. And of course no bout of misery is complete without a call from my mom to really bring things home. I had literally just walked out the door of the test and my phone goes off. I should have just told her my finals were going fine, but you know me, can never lie about ANYTHING.

Then I had to listen to her nag me and tell me to get on my studying in and how important my last two finals are, how my grade point average, my classes next semester, and the rest of my college career depends on me getting good enough grades on my remaining finals to bring my GPA up. How I'm going to have to explain to my dad why I have bad grades. How I need to go back to my room right now and study for 4 hours, take a break, and study un;alsdkjf;as I can't even finish because just thinking about it pisses me off. She's the least helpful person I know in my life, yet she's always the first to spring forward with "advice" and demands. I was already feeling depressed over my final, and every time I think I can't feel worse, my phone rings and she proves me wrong.

Played Six Degrees of Separation when I got to the Union. Discovered I have a knack for connecting two actors, no matter how far apart they may seem. Playing that for a while got my mind off my bad mood for a little bit. Then I was sad again.

Confirmed that Charles's dad hates me for some unknown reason. I've suspected it for quite some time. No reason, really, it was just a feeling I had. He's always been perfectly nice to me and has never given me a reason to think he doesn't like me. But for some reason, I've just never been able to shake the feeling that.. he just doesn't like me. I made a passing comment about it today, and Charles confirmed that yes, his dad has some problem with me, for reasons neither of us know. It shouldn't bother me as much as it does, seeing as how I've pretty much known for years. I don't know. I guess it's just one more thing to happen today to make me feel like crap. That, and it makes me wonder if any other people that I suspect don't like me for no reason really don't like me.

Mom just texted me to ask how the studying was going, and I've never had to fight so hard to tell someone to fuck off. I really considered it for a moment. I'm so sick of seeing her name flash across my phone, or answering her fucking questions. All she ever has for me is questions. No matter how many questions she demands I answer, she always has more, and when she isn't questioning me, she's nagging. Nag, nag, nag, nothing I do is good enough and I'm a worthless failure and I'm sick of thinking about her because as bad as I feel, no one can make me feel as worthless as she does. I feel so worthless right now. I just want to roll into a ball and cry until finals are done and I can go home. Not with her though. Even if I don't have a job, I'm still going to go straight to my sister's as soon as I get home.

And that was a more depressing interruption than I intended, but that's what mom is good for. I can't even write a proper emo post without her butting in to make me feel worse. I didn't respond to her second text. She's probably going to call. I just want to be left alone. I just want everyone I know to just stop talking to me for a bit and let me be depressed. Because if I hear my phone go off one more time today, I'm removing the battery.

My dad did call earlier to ask how school was going, and when I told him, he was once again more understanding than mom gave him credit for. He promised it would all work out. It won't, but it was comforting for a little while. Listened to the happiest song I could think of, and that made me smile. Took a break from studying to play minecraft, hoping it would get my mind off things for a little bit. Then I got attacked by zombies and gave up. I just want the week to be over. As soon as I get out of school, I can go back to my normal happy-go-lucky, nothing-gets-to-me self. I always get burnt out at the end of every school year, and I always just want it to be over, but this is probably the most depressed it's ever made me and I hate it and I just want it to go away.

Two more days, and maybe I can be happy again.


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May. 4th, 2011 03:03 am (UTC)
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