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1) Left my mp3 player in my dad's car.
2) Sold my books back to UCM. Didn't get enough to get the loft I was hoping to buy with the money.
3) Probably failed my physics final.
4) Without a doubt failed my Geography final.
5) Got 5 steps out the door of my bombed final and my mother calls to nag me about my future.
6) Checked blackboard to look at my grade in Geography. An assignment that I definitely turned in on the proper due date is marked as a 0. Not sure if it hasn't been upgraded or if I'm really just that stupid.
7) Confirmed that my ex-boyfriend's dad has hated me all along. For no specific reason.
8) Looked for the listed reading material for American Lit to study with. Couldn't find it. Had nothing to study.
9) Was actually fortunate to find somebody in my class that had the syllabus, and used it to study for my test today. Studied the wrong things.
10) Despite studying the wrong things, still feels reasonably confident that I did well on the test. Except the teacher uses a sadistic grading curve that, with my luck, will probably get me a D on the test anyway.
11) Made plans with someone for them to help me clean my room and pack my stuff in exchange for a ride home. Depended on them to be there to help out. Found out that person got another ride home earlier in the day, and would not be helping me.
12) Charles in Lee's Summit, Jacob not answering door, not knowing anyone else in the hall, had no one else to help.
13) Cleaned room and packed things entirely by myself.
14) Fell behind schedule because I had not accounted for having no help.
15) Wasn't ready to check out at my appointed time, 1 because I wasn't ready, and 2 because I didn't know I had to mop my floor as well. Wasn't given that information, but was blamed for it anyway.
16) Suite mate and roommate both left things behind when they moved out, which I am now responsible for.
17) Had three more bags of things (not mine) and two bathroom mats (not mine) to carry to my car, which took an extra trip.
18) Officially checked out an hour later than I was supposed to.
19) Got home, unloaded everything (by myself) and went to drink a bottle of neuro sleep to relax and get a fantastic night's sleep after the week I've had. Didn't get to drink bottle of neuro sleep because mom threw it away, thinking it was old. Had been looking forward to it all week, forcing myself not to drink it earlier so I could enjoy it tonight. Not sold in Holden.
20) Finally felt the full weight of the entire week crash into me. Broke down and cried.

All of this on top of the fact that I still don't have a job, I never wanted to go to college in the first place, I still don't know what I want to do with my life, and therefore am probably never going to find a good enough job to pay off the debt that I'm going to be in for my entire life. If I ever find a job at all. Also, can't move in with my sister until I do. That being said, I think I'm depressed.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
here_come_dots
May. 6th, 2011 05:51 am (UTC)
Firstly, breathe. Just... you know, close your eyes and breath for a moment.

1. Academic probation isn't the end of the world. We all make shitty decisions sometimes. It happens. You can get out of it.
2. If your friends tell you they're going to do something and then they don't then they suck. You have shitty friends. Good thing you have me.
3. Idek what to think of Charles's family. W/e. Charles is far too "GOD IS THE BESTEST EVAR" for my tastes. As a true friend, I will dutifully hate his father for you... FOR a specific reason. I don't hate people without reason. That's for weird people.
4. I will totally dig through the shit your suitemate and roommate left behind and steal whatever I feel like stealing. It's their fucking loss.
5. Your mom's kind of retarded... but we knew that. You should like... vandalize all of your shit with sharpie the way I do. "I DON'T CARE HOW OLD YOU THINK THIS IS. DON'T EVEN FUCKING TOUCH IT OR I'LL BREAK YOUR FINGERS." Like that. I'm not quite so violent or threatening, but if it were super important and expensive, I probably would be.
6. Here, have Matt Smith being adorkable with a camera:

7. I was going to put something suitably huggy and mushy here, but I got bored of looking... D: There's a lot of not-appropriately comforting artwork in the vast collection of artwork I've amassed over the years. I'll just draw you something and give it to you later... Keep an eye out!
8.
9. I can't seem to find a non-live version of Janelle Monae's cover of "Smile" so I didn't post it... but I really wanted to. I think you may have it, though, so go listen to it if you do.
10. Also, Predictably:
here_come_dots
May. 6th, 2011 05:52 am (UTC)
Fucking character limits. Fuck.
11. Dude, I am your best fucking friend in the universe and I love you no matter what horrible, horrible shit happens to you. And if you need anything at all you are allowed to call me at 3 in the fucking morning and I will BE THERE for you (and also will probably be awake anyway. Hah.). You are fabulous and wonderful and don't deserve all of the weird shit that happened to you this week. I am such a great friend that if I had the technology (or reverse technology?) I would make you FUCKING MIXTAPES for you to play in your car while you have no mp3 player. (As it stands, you're welcome to borrow mine and put whatever random shit you want on it... I practically never use it what with my car's CD player actually working and all that.) I'm really not quite in the mindset to write fantastic gooey things to you without COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF SWEARING because I've been asleep pretty much all day and am now FULL OF ENERGY. And energy = swearing, apparently?

WHATEVER.

YOU MAY NOT WANT COLLEGE, BUT IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, DON'T FORCE YOURSELF... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? COLLEGE IS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA. NO PRESSURE, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO TO COLLEGE YOU'LL PROBABLY END UP LIKE MY DAD... EXCEPT I DON'T THINK YOUR CHILDREN WILL THINK YOU'RE A USELESS LUMP... BECAUSE YOU SOMETIMES DO THINGS THAT AREN'T USELESS.

DON'T TIE YOURSELF TO A MAJOR IF YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. TAKE OTHER SHIT. TAKE SOME ANTHROPOLOGY, TAKE SOME BARTENDING CLASSES, TAKE SOME FASHION DESIGN CLASSES. TAKE SOME FUN SOUNDING SHIT. FUCK ENGLISH MAJORS. THAT'S BORING. THAT'S ABOUT AS BORING AS BEING A COMPUTER SCIENCE MAJOR (which is really fucking boring so far). TAKE MATH. FIND THE BEAUTY IN MATH. TAKE BOTANY. ENJOY PLANTS. TAKE... FUCK. TAKE A C++ CLASS AND ENJOY COMPUTER CODE. DO SHIT. DO FUN SHIT. DON'T DO BORING ENGLISHY SHIT. NOBODY REALLY KNOWS WHAT THEY WANT. NOW IS THE TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT, DAMMIT.

.... I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I am SO SORRY...

But really, do fun things that sound fun and adventurous. Take an acting class or something, even. (Actually, no, don't. Theater majors are awful, awful people who should never be associated with if you have the option to not associate with them.) Learn to cook. Take a class in culinary arts. Learn to cook me fantastic vegetarian meals (I'm kidding. That's what I have Thomas for, I think.) Make jewelry. LEARN TO SEW (I can teach you. Really.) THERE IS SO MUCH you can do with your life. Don't limit yourself right now. ESPECIALLY if it's not what you truly want. That's the best way to make you hate yourself and your life and everyone else later.

ARCHITECTURE! (Now I'm just throwing out random shit that sounds fun)
SCULPTURE!
Uh... FLASH!
Pfff. I don't know. I'm done.
INTERIOR DECORATING.

... Okay, now I'm done.

But really. Really, really, really, really. Don't limit yourself. You're so much better at NOT TAKING SHIT FROM YOUR MOM than I am. EMBRACE THAT. Do what you WANT. Not what other people want for you. FUCK OTHER PEOPLE (but not literally... unless you want to literally, in which case, go for it). THEY DON'T RULE YOUR LIFE. THEY AREN'T YOU.

...I'm not even sure what point I'm trying to make anymore.
pepsibighair259
May. 6th, 2011 06:18 am (UTC)
Re: Fucking character limits. Fuck.
Lol, thanks for the advice. Really, though, I like English. I'm happy with it. I just don't know what I want to do with it. And I really never wanted to go to college in the first place. I don't have the motivation for a career. I want to work in minimum wage jobs that earn me enough to pay rent in an apartment that I share with a roommate that I know and am comfortable with for the rest of my life. I really just have no motivation for anything.

A lot of that stuff does sound fun though. Yes, I would like you to teach me to sew. And I've always been interested in cooking. We just never have anything to cook. But food. Good. Helps you live.

I really rarely ever get like this. Finals week is just so damn stressful. This semester was especially bad because, seeing as how I never wanted to go to college to begin with, I'm just so unbelievably burnt out on college, and I just want to be out. Now I have summer break to enjoy, which will hopefully recover me enough to get through next year. Really though, I'm just so sick of school.

Thank you for everything you said about me. Really. It means a lot. You don't say gooey things like that about just anyone, so I feel pretty special right now.

Though, in regards to Charles and his family, as kind as the offer is, you don't have to hate his dad for me. He really is a good guy. It's like I said in my last post, he's never done anything to make me believe he doesn't like me. On the contrary, he's always been very civil and polite and friendly. I don't know why I ever though he didn't like me, because he certainly never acted in such a way. I guess I'm just good at detecting it. And it's not like it's someone my age who's friends with me to my face, then goes around stabbing me in the back. He's Charles's dad who, for some reason or another, simply doesn't like me. And if my week had sucked just a little less, I would just say "Ok" and move on.

As for Charles himself, I was never under the impression that he was any more in your face about religion than I am. He believes in God, yes, and so do I, but I don't remember him ever trying to shove his beliefs down anyone's throat. I dunno.

Those were really the only two things that you said that I sort of had issue with. Yes, my suitemate and my roommate sucked, and I wish I could rely on more people when they said they were going to help me out. Next time I'm having this crappy of a week (which is hopefully never) I'll be sure to call you and demand that you come help me on the spot. You won't get a choice either. You could be giving birth, and I'll tell you that if you don't get in your car and come cheer me up right now, I'll cry.

I know you're my best friend and will always be here for me. Sometimes I take it for granted. I'll try to do better from now on. I'm glad you want so badly to cheer me up. And I do feel a lot better. Thank you for everything.

Also, Matt Smith is adorable.
pepsibighair259
May. 6th, 2011 06:24 am (UTC)
Re: Fucking character limits. Fuck.
Oh, and as mad as I was at my mom for throwing my drink away, I'm calmed down quite a bit. It really was an accident, and she didn't know that I still wanted it, and she actually apologized for throwing it away. Which is like... whoa. She never apologizes for anything. So I know it was an honest mistake. And it REALLY isn't the big deal that I made it out to be. The ONLY reason I was as upset about it as I was is because it was the straw that broke the camel's back. No way I would have cried over a drink if I weren't already depressed and almost to my breaking point. Anyway, yeah, I forgive my mom for this. I'm still sad that I didn't get to drink it though.
here_come_dots
May. 6th, 2011 06:26 am (UTC)
Re: Fucking character limits. Fuck.
Sorta figured that was the case.

Although, yay for apologies.

It happens. :| Or something. I can't even say appropriate phrases right now. Wtf. My brain capacity.

(Also, I'm running out of somewhat cheerful userpics. Argh.)
here_come_dots
May. 6th, 2011 06:25 am (UTC)
Re: Fucking character limits. Fuck.
(Maybe I just see too much "GOD IS REAL!!!!" stuff on Facebook and notice in a bizarre way that Charles has participated it and it irritates me. I'm probably being insane.)

As your friend it's actually my job to outright dislike anyone who dislikes you regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, race, etc. It's like a duty. (I don't even know Charles's dad. pffffff.)

You do that. I'm always available. Even when I'm trying to save the world by defusing a bomb. Fuck the world and bombs. I have to make sure Chelsea isn't sad.

MATT SMITH IS SO ADORABLE OMFG.

Also, here. I apologize for them both being Dean and Castiel... I'm a little obsessed with the artist right now...

pepsibighair259
May. 6th, 2011 06:28 am (UTC)
Re: Fucking character limits. Fuck.
lol, very cute.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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